From Deep Within

So, mummy has full access to my facebook and all since she uses my account to play games to help herself, and she does see what goes on my timeline from time to time, and yesterday night she asked me after having seen all the grad pictures and postings... "Do you regret not going for your graduation ceremony?"

 

Truth be told, yes. There is that twinge of regret for not going, not being able to make the most out of this last day and to leave the school gloriously with all my friends and course mates.

Doesn't matter that I did not come out of this course with many that I can hold true to my heart because as the saying goes, a handful of friends who can touch your heart is better than an entourage of "friends".

I would still have liked to take photos and store them up as memories for me to recollect in the future.

 

But, I guess protecting my heart still is more important to me.

I just couldn't bring myself to go and face a certain someone who I know I would end up letting my guard down to. Honestly been hurt one to many times by said someone, and I guess enough is enough.

 

Sometimes, I hate how naïve and soft-hearted I can get, but I guess it's just my nature. What can I do.

Time after time, I give in and let you trample all over me with your lies, and believing that you would change, but honestly after the fourth time it happened, I can't let it go on again. And despite telling myself so, I am still unable to harden my heart to you.

 

And so avoidance is the only way to go. I have no other choice.

 

To be honest, I really treated you as someone I could rely on, someone I could trust and keep as a friend for a long time to come. I however, was proven wrong one time too many.

I just hope that you would finally see the light soon, and come to realise how many people you have hurt/are hurting by your actions and behaviour, and can become a better person.

 

On a side note:

To JY, you were the first girl in the entire of LRM with which I forged a close relationship and friendship with! And I am really grateful to have you with me through the 2 years after. Even though we were only in the same class for a mere semester in TAS. That we managed to keep this friendship going really means a lot to me! LOVE YOU BBY!

& Can't wait to see you on Tuesday for our cycling excursion^^

 

To WenLi, whom I've only gotten to know closely in my final sem in TP, it was amazing how we've managed to clique with one another so fast. We went through the final lap together, rushing through deadlines and shit. And wonderfully, we've never once argued, and for this, I am extremely thankful!

The fact that you are going back to China in a months time really upsets me, and I look forward to the day you come back with all my heart. But for now, let's just make the most of what we have OK!

See you on Wednesday b!

 

To my BBG, Joey, we've let so much precious time in which we could have gotten closer gone to waste, but it's ok, because we still have a lifetime ahead of us! You may be going through some tough time now, but it's all temporary, because we know there's always a rainbow after a storm, and brighter days lies ahead! Stay strong my babygirl, and know that I'll always be here for you!

Pretty face?

*No names will be mentioned in this post!

So I was talking to the sis, and we ended up stalking certain people and all and I just kinda came to the conclusion that yes, having just a pretty face is not gonna get you anywhere in life. 

You may be so pretty and have people liking you because of that, but then it's just that. There's only so much being pretty can do for you... There's no way I can stress this any more, but if all you have is the fact that your pretty, and your attitude is just 10 feet down under, you really are not up to par. 

So said person we were stalking has an anti-fan page dedicated to her, because the person manning the page cannot stand how "fake" the former was. 

I can't just judge based on what I read, but I guess after even watching videos and also reading a few different blogs, I guess said person we were stalking is kinda pitiable. 

My only advice for said person would be to stop wallowing in self pity like that, and stop thinking that you should be lifted to high heavens. 

You may not believe that you are behaving as such, but then as the saying goes, 旁观者清 (which means: the bystander knows best[has a clearer picture]). 

You are still very young, and to be facing life with such a viewpoint is really unhealthy not just for yourself but also the people around you. In fact, it would not look good for any future employers even, because trust me, employers ALWAYS look at your social media account before deciding if they want to hire you. 

Not saying that I am very much in a position to be talking about stuff like wallowing in self pity since I did go through a phase like that, but I guess I grew up and saw things for they really are. 

Because at the end of the day, the only people that would truly be there for you is yourself and your family. Period. 

Whatever it is anyway, really, don't for one second ever use your looks to get you places and stuff because they really can only get you that far in life. Because in the end, it's always your personality and character that truly counts alright. 

And I'm saying this not only to the person I happen to have stalked, but to everyone in general. 

Signing off, 

Aubs 😘

Late night thoughts

It's always at times like these, when instead of sleeping, my mind starts to whir. 

You might not know otherwise, but with all the things I've gone through, even at such a young age, it has left me with much hurt and a cynical mind. 

To be very honest, I'm already sensitive enough as it is. But as things happens, and as I fall and hurt myself along the way, I just end up getting more scarred and sensitive then I was. 

Although it may be true, that I have indeed become numb to much of it. Certain stuff does trigger it off, and leaving me to over think things. 

Especially when it ends up such that I'm alone (at night). Have never said this, but I really dislike being alone when I sleep, having had shared a room with my sister since forever. 

One issue that always have me on edge, is the "no reply". I believe though, I'm not the only one, and many of you are with this on me. 

Like when people, friends, your significant other half, whoever it may be, fail to reply your text... I'm sure you're always left wondering if its because you're not worth their time or attention etc...

Or when people claim they miss you, but do nothing to remedy that, be it talking to you, meeting up with you, and even rejecting your offers to meet up.

You may say I think too much, but well, I'm pretty darn sure I don't stand alone on this issue. 

Ok, well, that's about it I guess. Just needed someplace to get it off my chest, and this blog is pretty much for that purpose anyway!

Yes, and in spite of how bleak this post is, I'll leave you all with this. 

Appalled and dismayed

I don't normally bother myself with reading things on forums like TRS and other pages on Facebook because the things I read, I know would anger me.

Not saying in anyway, that I am the most righteous citizen that you would meet, but at least I do not go around criticizing and defaming people for things which are not in anyway their fault.

Many of these issues are apparent in cases, take for example blogger Xiaxue and her hoards of anti fans, who I presume, dislike her just because she is receiving more attention than they ever would in a single day as opposed to them in their lifetime.

But that's beside the point here. So I just happen to come across this blog post shared by a friend on Facebook, sharing the thoughts of this other blogger, Melissa ( http://milomel.blogspot.sg/2013/05/today-i-am-ashamed-of-being-singaporean.html?m=1 ) on the atrocity of the comments surrounding a foreign student who posted about her experience on TRS ( http://m.therealsingapore.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftherealsingapore.com%2Fcontent%2Fexchange-student-no-one-stand-me-when-i-got-molested-publicly-clarke-quay#2748 )

I share Melissa's stand on this because who are these people, to comment that it is her fault for getting molested. If it were to happen to you, wouldn't you be expecting the same of those around you? To help?

I suppose they never did think about that, huh. Seeing how quick they were to jump to conclusions that she only got molested because she was wearing clothes too revealing. Because she asked for it just by going to a club. Because she didn't stay at home. Because she is a foreigner.

So from what they are saying, any girls who do not dresses up in clothes that covers them from head to toe deserves to get molested? And that any girl who goes to a club should expect to get molested? Or that any girl who even steps out if her house deserves a mans hand on her?

And to the man who told said foreign girl she is lucky not to be in a body bag, you need to grow some sense. What happened to her could just as much happen to your sister, your girlfriend or even your mother. I'd like to see you telling them the same if they were in such a situation.
For anyone who has been through a situation as such, it is already traumatizing enough not to have to think about what could have had happened if there was no one to help them, or if they were not strong enough to have stood their ground.

The fact that she is a foreigner does not discount the fact that she is as human and you and I, and deserves all the right for people around her to help her, and stop the man from touching her inappropriately. If it were to happen to any of you in another country, and the people refuses to help you just because you are a foreigner, what would you feel!

Also, that she stood up for herself is the right thing to do. Walking away would never solve the issue because then the offender would know they can get away with it, and continue doing it and assaulting anyone else he likes. What if his next victim were to be you! I'm sure you would not be singing the same tune then.

It really is disgusting how many Singaporeans could even think so shallowly and believe it is her fault for getting into such a situation.

My week in words

Last week was one of the weeks where, discounting the weekends which I spent in school, a week where I actually spent more time home then out compared to previous weeks. And truth be told, I enjoy it. The time spent at home is always good for me, to catch up on some reading, think through stuff and more.

 

Tuesday had me up earlier than most days so mummy and I could go visit grandmother. Went to Kovan to buy lunch first before going to pickup the aunt and baby D before heading back to hougang to see grandmother. Spent almost the whole afternoon there, and some time in the afternoon, the 2nd grandaunt came over, which made things so much more lively! Baby D had me running all around the house playing catching and hide and seek too~

 

And on Wednesday, since daddy didn't have to work, we had a stay home lunch of cheese and crackers coupled with fruits and salad! Lunches like these are always the best, seeing how we're home and can end up playing and having so much more fun then if we dine out! And although from the sound of it, we didn't seem to have a lot to eat, I was more than full at the end of it, and ended up skipping dinner and only having a banana much later in the night!

 

On Thursday however, I went out for some quality time with W. Hadn't seen her in more than a month what with her schedule being forever too packed for me to ask her out, and her going to Korea! Caught Ironman 3, and it was pretty good I must say, although as usual, where action packed films are involved, it had me squirming and squealing. Really lousy with action and gore...

Had Nihon Mura after, and then went window shopping for clothes! Totally wishing I had the moolah to be buying though! the spring/summer clothes are all so pretty and vibrant!

 

The later half of Friday was spent with JY, over at my place and just watching all the random movies we could find on MioTV, WGM global and a really OLD ep of RM cos she wanted to watch it. But still fun nonetheless! Hanging out with JY is always good on my pocket :) No need for spending! HEHE

 

And as I mentioned earlier, over the weekend, I found myself in school, for one of my bridging subjects: Business Law. For what I believed to be a dry subject, I am thankful for such a boisterous and loud lecturer to make the learning easier, and more enjoyable. It really is rather interesting to be learning about law, I must say.

 

And yes, I officially start school on the 13/05, which is next Monday, and I've also my orientation this Thursday, so I am looking forward to meeting new people and my classmates to be :)

And last night, we had a mini mother's day celebration at the paternal gram's. Done this early because the cousin is enlisting next Saturday! Being around family is always so joyous! We don't meet as a big group often, and to be able to is just really nice, always!